observations.

so, I have been experimenting lately.

Everyday for this past week I have decided to intentionally start and end my days with talking to God. for fellow Christians, lingo like this is ordinary. nothing special. But for those non-God fearin' folks, lingo like that is kinda weird.

I am aware of that. And I am still putting it on the internet.

it's been so cool!

The reason why I wouldn't do this before is because I'd wake up in the morning, all groggy and then I'd think for a few moments, listening to the French CBC station on my radio, then hop up, open my laptop, check the weather and then be on with the rest of my morning routine. I'd talk to God if I needed to, or something.

I would pray more at night. I would be falling asleep, lately with candles (dangerous!), and maybe thank God for some nice things in my life, or some nice conversations.

I'd say about half of the time lately, though, I would maybe not even talk to God. I generally live life pretty intensely, so it's like, I would build up my need to pray. Then, every now and then it'd all come gushing out, tears and all, me, in my room alone, talking to the air, talking to the silence, finding solace and comfort in having my spoken thoughts lead me down a rabbit-trail of my search for unselfishness, wisdom, and goodness.


that's okay, too.


but I've been experimenting lately, intentionally talking to God in the morning, thanking him for the day, asking him to fill me with patience, to see beauty in everything around me.


it changes my days. Because sometimes I go to class and when there's a kid in my violin class who doesn't learn the bowing as fast as me and wants to share my music and my stand, well, I can get a little impatient.

I was on the bus the other day and I looked around at people I'd never seen before and would most likely never see again. I looked at specific people and there was a really interesting looking girl and I thought, "wow, she is beautiful." Then, I looked at a guy yawning and I thought similar thoughts about him. I looked around and I saw beauty in the strangers that surrounded me. My heart started to beat a little faster, and I felt it.


The moment left me soon after, of course. But it's striking, how it changes my days.

in image

it's crazy that the end of February is almost here.

it really just seems like this term of the school year just started.




today I got out several recordings of a Schubert piece I am working on.




I need to step my game up if I want to do well on my jury in April.


Being pretty busy is nice. Luckily, there are always moments that make us stop, and appreciate the little things in life.

febuary the 16th

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom,

And the man who gains understanding.
For her profit is better than the profit of silver,
And her gain than fine gold.

She is more precious than jewels;
And nothing you desire compares with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
In her left hand are riches and honour.

Her ways are pleasant ways,
And all her paths are peace.
She is the tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who hold her fast.
The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;
By understanding he established the heavens.

By his knowledge the deeps were broken up,
And the skies drip with dew.

february the 13th

I am in Ottawa and the people are friendlier here than in London. It is a nice city.

It seems pretty hip now or something, but I'm pretty sure I would really like to have and play an autoharp one day:

Oh, and tomorow is Valentine's Day or something?

That's okay, I guess.


At least, my friend Emily gave me a some v-day love via this post on her blog.
With a morning snapshot of me with some tea in my PJ's, no less.

What a swell start to the holiday!

oh.

How astutely my piano teacher observes, "Yuan, you only put effort into the things you care about." As if this is some sort of sickness.

How else should I be?

She talks about how anything that I find hard to overcome seems to be impossible for me to tackle because of some kind of mental roadblock I have. It's like she is noticing what countless teachers have told me growing up.

That I have so much potential.

If only I just tried. If only I cared.

How do I make myself work for something that I don't care about? Does that mean I just care about everything?

Because I figure, I should probably just spread my care into all of the important things. But what are the things from which I take my already given care? What do I even care about?

Something about all of this reminds me of my foster mom's, Laura's, notion of character. The things we do regardless of how we feel. Our actions that reveal our maturity, that reveal the parts of who we are that never change.

It's tough, man.

How do I grow more into who I need to be? Who is it that I need to be?

february the 8th

Seems like everyone has fashion blogs these days. My theory is that the only things you really need to look kind of hipster and cool on the internet are a friend who is willing to take lots of pictures of you, some good finds from thrift stores and then, a tasteful eye for clothing combinations.

My friend Quinn has sweeeet style. (extra e's for emphasis.) She lent me some nice little items this weekend. I am thankful.

I wore the little animal print dress she lent me and paired it with the red knit cardigan I just got for 7 bucks from Goodwill this past weekend. I got these nice boots from a super cool vintage store in Toronto, too. It's great because they are lined and therefore pretty warm. And, of course, it being winter and all, it's necessary that I don the faux-fur vintage Parisien bonnet I got for 2 bucks from Talize. I almost didn't buy it! I am so glad I did. I swear it's only because of the hat that I got stopped by this fashion blogger, who saw me on campus the other day and proceeded to snap a few shots of me for me this entry.

here's that classic effortless hipster-blogging "candid" pose.

hah!


you know, I love fashion and clothes. And I love bright colours.

All you need sometimes is a pal who's willing to snap a few shots. And then you put them on the internet and the world is a hopefully a better place.

lovin' you

if I could sing and play this song....

The Bean Eaters

They eat beans mostly, this old yellow pair.
Dinner is a casual affair.
Plain chipware on a plain and creaking wood,
Tin flatware.

Two who are Mostly Good.
Two who have lived their day,
But keep on putting on their clothes
And putting things away.

And remembering . . .
Remembering, with twinklings and twinges,
As they lean over the beans in their rented back room that
is full of beads and receipts and dolls and cloths,
tobacco crumbs, vases and fringes.


- Gwendolyn Brooks

mmmmmm,music.

so life is pretty yummy right now. I am feeling pretty alive lately. this is a cool thing.

it struck me today that I make music everyday and get to have a degree out of that! how remarkable! how wondrous!

what a real blessing.


so it was perfect when my friend Beth asked me to play a song or two in this month's (north chapter) Starbucks music night that she started almost a year ago. a coffee house in a place that sells coffee! Imagine that.


I asked my super lovely friend Leanne to play with me. I dig her vibe, I appreciate our friendship.



We decided to cal ourselves 'the Anne's (haha, get it?) and told the audience that thus far we remain a cover band.

("But who knows what will happen in the future?")



We stuck with some nice folk tunes and played a little number by Julie Doiron, Romulus by Sufjan Stevens and then added a little Feist on there, as well.



Kristen took this shot. I like the angle. That is Quinn, our friend and loyal supporter.



Also a very nice shot (thanks to Kristen). Quinn wears nice glasses.

Oh, hey, look! That's my friend Alex! He is singing there, and also dating Beth! What a small world!


Hi, Kristen!

We also decided to try on Quinn's glasses and take some photos. (hence the new profile pic. to the right.)

Herro!

Great news is, too, I get to see this lovely lady tomorrow night.
Basia is coming home to kick off her tour!

thank God for music!

february 1st, 2010

boats - ktinka

"there is no place for apathy in art."

these were words spoken by my choir conductor today. She wanted to encourage us, she wanted to challenge us to be responsive, to really think about what we do as artists -- as creator and as audience.

music is not made by apathy. Art is not made by apathy. Apathy really just does nothing.

she pinched her fingers together, leaving about a centimetre's space in between them, talking about how apathy is really this much before death. This makes sense, considering the Greek etymology of the word means "freedom from suffering."


-----


in his newest book Donald Miller talks about the remarkableness of life. He talks about how in his high school days he would have moments where he would suddenly realize that he was alive and human. He talks about that feeling where you look around and you see everything around you, where you really notice it, where you feel and where you are alive.

this is the good stuff, though! ol' Donnie talks about the fact that life is staggering, and we are used to it.

this is what he writes:

"We get robbed of the glory of life because we aren't capable of remembering how we got here. When you are born, you wake slowly to everything.

Your brain doesn't stop growing until you turn twenty-six, so from birth to twenty-six, God is slowly turning the lights on, and you're groggy and pointing at things saying circle and blue and car and then sex and job and health care. The experience is so slow you could easily come to believe life isn't that big of a deal, that life isn't staggering.

What I'm saying is I think life is staggering and we're just used to it. We all are like spoiled children no longer impressed with the gifts we're given--it's just another sunset, just another rainstorm moving in over the mountain, just another child being born, just another funeral."


man, that convicts me.


the beauty of it is that acknowledging the brilliance of life, and of art, brings an responsibility inherent in that acknowledgment.

I mean, what kind of sacrifice do we live?

apathy is just too easy! Let's live, knowing the remarkableness of life!
Let us not be numb! Let us be alive!