i'm writing from a hotel in chicago
chicago, day 1
feb. 17th
so much to see. so many thoughts, reactions. so much - as sufjan astutely observes - that is based on things that will not last. temporal values, temporal fixes
temporal happiness?
i think it's safe to say (in my perception) that people here are less friendly (in that good ol' canadian way) and look at you less. maybe it's being a 'tourist', something temporary myself. fleeting. in and out, like a gust of wind that blows through this windy city, past your hair and your teeth and your fingertips and feet.
i've only traveled an hour away (time difference-ally) and i'm experiencing a mild culture shock! what the heck!
i'm just so used to my own surroundings - i really haven't traveled much. this inspires me, this seeing of chicago, to travel more, to experience more! and in a sense, experience less. the first time for anything is always wild.
thank you, O God! for experiences, for diversity, for brokenness (though painful), in us humans. from what i've seen so far, chicago is real artsy - music and visual art and poetry abound plentifully - and there is a real desire to express experiences, observations, emotions and perceptions.
the buildings are tall and the asphalt paves the paths. i haven't seen many pigeons, but i tried chicago-style pizza, which (surprisingly) consisted mostly of 2 inches of mozzarella cheese. the men are cute and i think chicago seems like it would be a lovely place to be in love.
feb. 17th
so much to see. so many thoughts, reactions. so much - as sufjan astutely observes - that is based on things that will not last. temporal values, temporal fixes
temporal happiness?
i think it's safe to say (in my perception) that people here are less friendly (in that good ol' canadian way) and look at you less. maybe it's being a 'tourist', something temporary myself. fleeting. in and out, like a gust of wind that blows through this windy city, past your hair and your teeth and your fingertips and feet.
i've only traveled an hour away (time difference-ally) and i'm experiencing a mild culture shock! what the heck!
i'm just so used to my own surroundings - i really haven't traveled much. this inspires me, this seeing of chicago, to travel more, to experience more! and in a sense, experience less. the first time for anything is always wild.
thank you, O God! for experiences, for diversity, for brokenness (though painful), in us humans. from what i've seen so far, chicago is real artsy - music and visual art and poetry abound plentifully - and there is a real desire to express experiences, observations, emotions and perceptions.
the buildings are tall and the asphalt paves the paths. i haven't seen many pigeons, but i tried chicago-style pizza, which (surprisingly) consisted mostly of 2 inches of mozzarella cheese. the men are cute and i think chicago seems like it would be a lovely place to be in love.
naked.
so i've come to realize that people desire to be in relationships. (wow, groundbreaking) like, romantic relationships and friendships and familial relationships and so forth. if you are in one, then you understand this already. and if you are not in one, then it's probably safe to say that at one point in time you have desired to be in one. (romantically speaking.)
one thing i've been feeling strongly lately is the desire to be truly known by someone and also deeply cared for. not just in the romantic capacity. w
ow that's vulnerable. (can you dig it?) gah, it's so easy to get mushy, but when talking about things like love and relationships, it's nearly impossible not to.
so i'm talking with my friends tonight and we're bible-studying and having a good time and (pertaining to what we were talking about) it hits me that people (just like me) want to be seen not only emotionally but physically naked by people, and know that whoever they allow to see them is okay with what they see.
yeah, sex is about sex. sex is about the feelings and the biology and the orgasm. but think about what sex really means. it's that moment of intimacy; it's being completely vulnerable, naked, unashamed with someone and them not looking at you and rejecting you. isn't it?
this is such a human thing, and it can't be explained biologically.
i think what gets me is the fact that these are such healthy desires we have! such good, necessary desires of intimacy and closeness and proximity. some schools of thought solipsistically argue that these desires that humans have are nonexistent, or are only figments of our own reality. that intangible and immeasurable things such as emotions are not rational, therefore not applicable to humanity nor are they relevant. other schools of thought acknowledge that desires exist within us, but because the possibility for a satisfaction of a desire exists, the opposite must exist as well - and argue that an unsatisfied desire is the cause to all great individual (and collective) unhappiness. some schools of thought acknowledge these desires and put conditions and standards on people and say that, if you follow these rules, you will get the things you desire.
none of these things do us justice, though. i'm all for a school of thought that both justifies and can inspire a reasonable way of satisfying these desires. my personal hope is that it's beyond merely functional, but actually gives me (us) a deep joy.
okay, so let's acknowledge this together: i (you) want to have friends. i (you) want to have close friends. i (you) want someone to want to hold my (your) hand. i (you) want someone to want to kiss me (you). i (you) want someone to be with me (you) for a long while, maybe not marriage necessarily, but a long time would be nice.
i think the dangerous thing is that people these days aren't even asking themselves why they want this. it's too easy to ignore it, it's too easy to say, 'nah, i don't want that. i don't need anything. i'm happy with my music. i'm happy with school. whatever.' yeah, school! yeah, music is amazing! but the things that are lasting in our lives are our relationships. (yum, that's fun)
yo, listen to this. this is what i believe. when we attempt to satisfy these desires, we know when it goes wrong. that person we really like stopped liking us. it really hurts. it friggin' sucks. i could list more examples, but we know it goes wrong, that we're trying to satisfy the desire with something that's only temporary when it is temporary in itself. it's always examples of when we give away (or they already have) a bit of ourselves and we leave the control up to someone else. those are the peple who hurt us most!
the hurt never diminishes the fact that there was something good in it, though. we have moments of true deep joy! when they like us as much as we like them. (yadda yadda)
i believe that these moments are just hints, tastes, mere shadows, of the true satisfaction we were made to acquire. and when we find it in a healthy way, it's the best thing in the world. when we find unconditional acceptance, wow. we've got it made.
so that's what i've been thinking for like 3 weeks. i finally got around to writing here about it and now it's late and i have a theory assignment due tomorrow.
talk to me about this, please, do.
one thing i've been feeling strongly lately is the desire to be truly known by someone and also deeply cared for. not just in the romantic capacity. w
ow that's vulnerable. (can you dig it?) gah, it's so easy to get mushy, but when talking about things like love and relationships, it's nearly impossible not to.so i'm talking with my friends tonight and we're bible-studying and having a good time and (pertaining to what we were talking about) it hits me that people (just like me) want to be seen not only emotionally but physically naked by people, and know that whoever they allow to see them is okay with what they see.
yeah, sex is about sex. sex is about the feelings and the biology and the orgasm. but think about what sex really means. it's that moment of intimacy; it's being completely vulnerable, naked, unashamed with someone and them not looking at you and rejecting you. isn't it?
this is such a human thing, and it can't be explained biologically.
i think what gets me is the fact that these are such healthy desires we have! such good, necessary desires of intimacy and closeness and proximity. some schools of thought solipsistically argue that these desires that humans have are nonexistent, or are only figments of our own reality. that intangible and immeasurable things such as emotions are not rational, therefore not applicable to humanity nor are they relevant. other schools of thought acknowledge that desires exist within us, but because the possibility for a satisfaction of a desire exists, the opposite must exist as well - and argue that an unsatisfied desire is the cause to all great individual (and collective) unhappiness. some schools of thought acknowledge these desires and put conditions and standards on people and say that, if you follow these rules, you will get the things you desire.
none of these things do us justice, though. i'm all for a school of thought that both justifies and can inspire a reasonable way of satisfying these desires. my personal hope is that it's beyond merely functional, but actually gives me (us) a deep joy.
okay, so let's acknowledge this together: i (you) want to have friends. i (you) want to have close friends. i (you) want someone to want to hold my (your) hand. i (you) want someone to want to kiss me (you). i (you) want someone to be with me (you) for a long while, maybe not marriage necessarily, but a long time would be nice.
i think the dangerous thing is that people these days aren't even asking themselves why they want this. it's too easy to ignore it, it's too easy to say, 'nah, i don't want that. i don't need anything. i'm happy with my music. i'm happy with school. whatever.' yeah, school! yeah, music is amazing! but the things that are lasting in our lives are our relationships. (yum, that's fun)
yo, listen to this. this is what i believe. when we attempt to satisfy these desires, we know when it goes wrong. that person we really like stopped liking us. it really hurts. it friggin' sucks. i could list more examples, but we know it goes wrong, that we're trying to satisfy the desire with something that's only temporary when it is temporary in itself. it's always examples of when we give away (or they already have) a bit of ourselves and we leave the control up to someone else. those are the peple who hurt us most!
the hurt never diminishes the fact that there was something good in it, though. we have moments of true deep joy! when they like us as much as we like them. (yadda yadda)
i believe that these moments are just hints, tastes, mere shadows, of the true satisfaction we were made to acquire. and when we find it in a healthy way, it's the best thing in the world. when we find unconditional acceptance, wow. we've got it made.
so that's what i've been thinking for like 3 weeks. i finally got around to writing here about it and now it's late and i have a theory assignment due tomorrow.
talk to me about this, please, do.
l'avenir?
i realized today that
the
future
does
not
yet
exist
at all. the future doesn't exist. only this moment. and the past. but the past hardly exists. it existed.
isn't that crazy?
i was walking home tonight from the music building and after a beautiful mild winter day, without a cloud in the sky, night had fallen and the air was misty. i noticed that it was the sort of coldness where you breathed and you could see you breath. i like those nights.
as he reached the lamppost, the guy walking ahead of me was breathing extra hard. you could see a lot of condensation from his breath. right when he was under the light, he breathed one real hard breath and looked back and up at the vapor from his breath and it seemed like fun, but i didn't do it. it seemed like a reasonable way to check one's aliveness.
oh, and i'm going to chicago in a few weeks. woop!
i was walking home tonight from the music building and after a beautiful mild winter day, without a cloud in the sky, night had fallen and the air was misty. i noticed that it was the sort of coldness where you breathed and you could see you breath. i like those nights.
as he reached the lamppost, the guy walking ahead of me was breathing extra hard. you could see a lot of condensation from his breath. right when he was under the light, he breathed one real hard breath and looked back and up at the vapor from his breath and it seemed like fun, but i didn't do it. it seemed like a reasonable way to check one's aliveness.
oh, and i'm going to chicago in a few weeks. woop!
what i learned from r.p.
i am learning so much about stuff right now but don't know how to put it into words. stuff about loving people, and my friends, without agenda or condition.
maintaining a blog was more of a hassle than i thought. i feel compelled to write in here but just don't sit down and do it.
sometimes it's kinda like i want my ideas to be super profound or something. some people use blogs to write about their daily adventures but i just don't have time!
plus i'm all into how it (my blog) looks, and keep changing it and i don't even know if anyone looks at this. except maybe my friend alex. he's great.
on a different note, i have found something slightly interesting. i don't often get crushes on celebrities at all or anything, but right now i have a mad crush on the singer of fleet foxes, robin pecknold. man he is attractive. grungy, kinda gross-looking, wears plaid, has a burly beard. he even sings nice and is intelligent. my kinda guy. so i looked up whether or not he has a girlfriend and of course, her name's olivia. i googled 'robin and olivia' (naturally) and discovered that they put up this valentine's playlist sometime last year, of songs they had collaboratively decided made them feel "lovey". (too cute. seriously.) i glanced at it, and the song title 'psalm 42' caught my eye, of course, because i'm christian like that, and saw that it was sung by a band called 'the trees community'.
i googled it and came upon this site devoted to this completely hippy 70s christian band that apparently made music in forests with sitars, beards, some overalls and a lot of liberal christian love for the monastic and simple life. psalm 42 is a treat. the great thing is how they take themselves so seriously.
i have no idea how many people have heard of the trees community, but i honestly love it. it's so weird.
the question it makes me ask is: how has christian music become so boring as it is today? this is inspiring, listening to this. the inventiveness and experimentation with instrumentation (suffix-alliteration?) is commendable. i mean, i'm personally growing tired of the way music is done in churches. that's a huge blanket statement, i know, but if you go to almost any protestant christian church you will know what i mean. the traditions surrounding modern worship music are not inherently wrong. the traditions in this case meaning the typical sorts of songs being chosen, the instruments used, the relationship between audience and performers, etc. it's just that when tradition is done just for the sake of it, and without thought or meaning, it can be alienating. people want authenticity, and freshness. i'm sure the church music i experience now was effective or fresh at some point in time, but change needs to happen. i'd like to see the concept of worship in churches severely altered.
do we draw on influences from other cultures? how is music evolving? how does christianity keep up? does it need to? can i do anything to help this?
maybe less guitars. maybe making music and worship more communal, rather than a 4 or 5 ... or 10 person band up front with microphones. me and my friend alicia have this fun time everytime people clap after we sing a song in a church-like setting. we laugh because it's funny that it's become a performance.
maybe it isn't so bad though. i'm thinking through all of this and i want to change it myself but i'm not sure what i can practically do, other than infiltrate the system myself and start change in a small way. much like planting a seed and slowly watching it grow; maybe even like a mustard seed.
at least if worship music isn't going to change we can always pull out our ipods and listen to our illegally downloaded copy of fleet foxes' new album and fall in love with robin pecknold's voice and lyrics. and if all else fails, we have his nice skinny legs and inadvertent attractiveness immortalized in this sweet video on vimeo (thanks to la blogotheque.) go internet.
Fleet Foxes - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.
maintaining a blog was more of a hassle than i thought. i feel compelled to write in here but just don't sit down and do it.
sometimes it's kinda like i want my ideas to be super profound or something. some people use blogs to write about their daily adventures but i just don't have time!
plus i'm all into how it (my blog) looks, and keep changing it and i don't even know if anyone looks at this. except maybe my friend alex. he's great.
on a different note, i have found something slightly interesting. i don't often get crushes on celebrities at all or anything, but right now i have a mad crush on the singer of fleet foxes, robin pecknold. man he is attractive. grungy, kinda gross-looking, wears plaid, has a burly beard. he even sings nice and is intelligent. my kinda guy. so i looked up whether or not he has a girlfriend and of course, her name's olivia. i googled 'robin and olivia' (naturally) and discovered that they put up this valentine's playlist sometime last year, of songs they had collaboratively decided made them feel "lovey". (too cute. seriously.) i glanced at it, and the song title 'psalm 42' caught my eye, of course, because i'm christian like that, and saw that it was sung by a band called 'the trees community'.
i googled it and came upon this site devoted to this completely hippy 70s christian band that apparently made music in forests with sitars, beards, some overalls and a lot of liberal christian love for the monastic and simple life. psalm 42 is a treat. the great thing is how they take themselves so seriously.
i have no idea how many people have heard of the trees community, but i honestly love it. it's so weird.
the question it makes me ask is: how has christian music become so boring as it is today? this is inspiring, listening to this. the inventiveness and experimentation with instrumentation (suffix-alliteration?) is commendable. i mean, i'm personally growing tired of the way music is done in churches. that's a huge blanket statement, i know, but if you go to almost any protestant christian church you will know what i mean. the traditions surrounding modern worship music are not inherently wrong. the traditions in this case meaning the typical sorts of songs being chosen, the instruments used, the relationship between audience and performers, etc. it's just that when tradition is done just for the sake of it, and without thought or meaning, it can be alienating. people want authenticity, and freshness. i'm sure the church music i experience now was effective or fresh at some point in time, but change needs to happen. i'd like to see the concept of worship in churches severely altered.
do we draw on influences from other cultures? how is music evolving? how does christianity keep up? does it need to? can i do anything to help this?
maybe less guitars. maybe making music and worship more communal, rather than a 4 or 5 ... or 10 person band up front with microphones. me and my friend alicia have this fun time everytime people clap after we sing a song in a church-like setting. we laugh because it's funny that it's become a performance.
maybe it isn't so bad though. i'm thinking through all of this and i want to change it myself but i'm not sure what i can practically do, other than infiltrate the system myself and start change in a small way. much like planting a seed and slowly watching it grow; maybe even like a mustard seed.
at least if worship music isn't going to change we can always pull out our ipods and listen to our illegally downloaded copy of fleet foxes' new album and fall in love with robin pecknold's voice and lyrics. and if all else fails, we have his nice skinny legs and inadvertent attractiveness immortalized in this sweet video on vimeo (thanks to la blogotheque.) go internet.
Fleet Foxes - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.
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