one thing i've been feeling strongly lately is the desire to be truly known by someone and also deeply cared for. not just in the romantic capacity. w
ow that's vulnerable. (can you dig it?) gah, it's so easy to get mushy, but when talking about things like love and relationships, it's nearly impossible not to.so i'm talking with my friends tonight and we're bible-studying and having a good time and (pertaining to what we were talking about) it hits me that people (just like me) want to be seen not only emotionally but physically naked by people, and know that whoever they allow to see them is okay with what they see.
yeah, sex is about sex. sex is about the feelings and the biology and the orgasm. but think about what sex really means. it's that moment of intimacy; it's being completely vulnerable, naked, unashamed with someone and them not looking at you and rejecting you. isn't it?
this is such a human thing, and it can't be explained biologically.
i think what gets me is the fact that these are such healthy desires we have! such good, necessary desires of intimacy and closeness and proximity. some schools of thought solipsistically argue that these desires that humans have are nonexistent, or are only figments of our own reality. that intangible and immeasurable things such as emotions are not rational, therefore not applicable to humanity nor are they relevant. other schools of thought acknowledge that desires exist within us, but because the possibility for a satisfaction of a desire exists, the opposite must exist as well - and argue that an unsatisfied desire is the cause to all great individual (and collective) unhappiness. some schools of thought acknowledge these desires and put conditions and standards on people and say that, if you follow these rules, you will get the things you desire.
none of these things do us justice, though. i'm all for a school of thought that both justifies and can inspire a reasonable way of satisfying these desires. my personal hope is that it's beyond merely functional, but actually gives me (us) a deep joy.
okay, so let's acknowledge this together: i (you) want to have friends. i (you) want to have close friends. i (you) want someone to want to hold my (your) hand. i (you) want someone to want to kiss me (you). i (you) want someone to be with me (you) for a long while, maybe not marriage necessarily, but a long time would be nice.
i think the dangerous thing is that people these days aren't even asking themselves why they want this. it's too easy to ignore it, it's too easy to say, 'nah, i don't want that. i don't need anything. i'm happy with my music. i'm happy with school. whatever.' yeah, school! yeah, music is amazing! but the things that are lasting in our lives are our relationships. (yum, that's fun)
yo, listen to this. this is what i believe. when we attempt to satisfy these desires, we know when it goes wrong. that person we really like stopped liking us. it really hurts. it friggin' sucks. i could list more examples, but we know it goes wrong, that we're trying to satisfy the desire with something that's only temporary when it is temporary in itself. it's always examples of when we give away (or they already have) a bit of ourselves and we leave the control up to someone else. those are the peple who hurt us most!
the hurt never diminishes the fact that there was something good in it, though. we have moments of true deep joy! when they like us as much as we like them. (yadda yadda)
i believe that these moments are just hints, tastes, mere shadows, of the true satisfaction we were made to acquire. and when we find it in a healthy way, it's the best thing in the world. when we find unconditional acceptance, wow. we've got it made.
so that's what i've been thinking for like 3 weeks. i finally got around to writing here about it and now it's late and i have a theory assignment due tomorrow.
talk to me about this, please, do.
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HI! write something!