gee thanks!

Why do I do what I do?



Why am I studying music?


What am I good at? How do I do well in school? How I do get A's? Other than getting accepting at my preferred teacher's college, is it all worth it?


Do I want to go to teacher's college?


How do I practice more? How do I not waste my time?



What does all of this mean in terms of the worship I seek to give to God?



Truth is, I'm tired of seeing the tests, seeing the dates in my calendar highlighted with colours, telling me when I am going to be tested on something. I am tired of learning things for tests. For marks.





I want to defy what is now the norm -- at least on a surface glance -- the post-modern, school-for-the-sake-of-a-future-vocation sort of mentality. I don't know if I want to teach music.



But I want to go in each class I have, and act as if I do. I want to practice piano like a piano major, I want to practice bassoon as if I am taking private lessons, I want to conduct as if it is my passion. I want to learn Spanish with (real) hopes of going to a Spanish-speaking country one day.



I want to do that, because I want to love what I do right now, I want to always make things new.

ps. that's god.