perfect

something my friend said to my other friend yesterday night:

i cannot wait to see who you're going to date or marry. whoever it is, is going to be amazing, because i respect you so much, and love you so much. you're just so different. the guy who's going to deserve you will need to be just ... ah.

i wish i could put inflection and intonation in writing. this isn't a verbatim quote, but the end ah is the one of those ah's where you're at a loss for words because there just aren't words to express what you're saying -- what you're trying to say has so much weight that there aren't words to wrap around it.


i'm so struck! so struck, lately by the fact that the people in my life who are dating or married -- and it is clear that god is blessing the relationship because it's healthy and open and surrounded by community -- have found someone that is perfect for them. not many things in life are perfect. but you just see these two people together and you're like, i can't see them with anyone else in the world. it's cute when they resemble each other. it reminds me of 101 dalmations.



i've forgotten this. or i'm just learning it for the first time. something like that. i don't remind myself that that is the way god sees me, and that is the way i need to see myself.

that whoever is going to date me, and end up marrying me, is going to be not only amazing, and of high standard, but perfect for me. it sounds potentially objectifying and arrogant, but it's irony at it's finest.

because, by objectifying this person, out there in the world, in the way i normally do, it ends up so that i am seemingly over-valuing this concept of finding someone to spend my life with. wanting it so much that i worry and feel unhappy. but what i'm actually doing is devaluing myself and the plans that i believe and know that god has for me because i don't trust that
a) something is actually going to come along (as in, i feel like i'll be alone for ever sometimes)
and b) that that something is going to be amazing.

isn't that what everyone wants?

but it's so hard. it takes discipline to remind ourselves of this once we know this, or are made aware of this.

i want to value myself. see the worth i am.

rob bell, from the book 'sex god':

You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved and valued. You're good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it's true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth, it will affect every area of life, especially your relationship with men.

You are worth dying for.

Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put out, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your creator.

You will continue to be tempted in a thousand different ways not to believe this. The temptation will be to go searching for your worth and validity from places other than your creator.

Especially from men.

But you don't have to give yourself away to earn a man's love. You're better than that. You're already loved.

When you give too much of yourself away too quickly, when you show too much skin, you're not being true to yourself. When you dress to show us everything, then in some sense we have all shared in it, or at least been exposed to it. There is a mystery to you, infinite depth and endless complexity.

Your strength is a beautiful thing. And when you live in it, when you carry yourself with the honor and dignity that are yours, it forces the men around you to relate to you on more than just a flesh level.

You are worth dying for.

etc. etc.

perfect.