between

I guess we feel alone some days and others, not.

I haven't felt particularly surrounded by community as of late but I know it's just for now, it won't always feel like this. Catch me this time tomorrow night and I'm sure I'll feel better.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about my future, about this life we live, being small fragments in a pretty big world, (music) education and its purpose, how I dress myself and what this means for my identity (and whether or not it really matters), me & Jesse, how I would really like to spend more time reading and creating art, what it means to be constantly renewed and transforming, all of that.

One of the things I've been realizing and simultaneously mourning is the fact that moving into my 20s requires me to mature. My life thus far has included all-knowing and all-powerful adults who do the decision-making, who teach, who guide. They know what food to buy, who does what and at what time everything in life happens.

I am simply realizing that I am becoming one of those adults.

It's up to me to make decisions, to teach, to guide. To shape the futures of others around me.


What I mourn is the loss of a sense of self, an old self, a younger self. A self that doesn't mind being given expectations and instructions. Now, I am challenged to give them to others myself. And I want to do things well. The end product will be worth it but the transition into that has proven ... challenging.


but, it's cool, because the point is the process, you know?